yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
