The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
