ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
