i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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