Buhtt sex?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
