so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
no you cant smoke seaweed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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