I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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