and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
