I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize