remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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