I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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