Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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