I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
