It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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