I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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