I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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