1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
