I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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