i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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