here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
