Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
