Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Small penises have feelings too.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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