Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
