Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
