So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
