Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
