That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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