I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
