Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
