Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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