Plan B is the new Plan A
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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