Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
