Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
