He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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