I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
