note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
