yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
