I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
