would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We had sex on a dog bed..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize