Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
