So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
