i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize