You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
