I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
