Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
