Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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