Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You can't special order awesome
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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