Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize