i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize