here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
