Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
