woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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