The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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