i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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