I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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