i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
