You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
