im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
