I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
