Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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