Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just want to make out with him forever
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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