do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
