She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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