All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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