Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
