i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize