I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
