He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just had sex on a roof
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I touched a dick in church today
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
