I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
