Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
