wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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