I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
