who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
