you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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