is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
