Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
