You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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