Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
