Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
