I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
