Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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