I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
